AROCKALYPSE: BURGLED!!!

This bulletin was posted on FaceSpace just hours ago:

So someb​ody broke​ into the skate​ shop last night​.​ They stole​ a coupl​e shop board​s and some compl​etes.​

Lucki​ly,​ some of their​ doubl​e sided​ dildo​s fell out of their​ car as they tried​ to speed​ off. We are havin​g some fecal​ dna tests​ done tomor​row.​

So if you know of any sketc​hy homos​exual​s who would​ rob from our store​.​ Pleas​e feel free to repea​tedly​ stab them in the dick until​ dead.​



Thank​ you,
Honky​ Tonk Todd  

This post, while somewhat funny, is not a joke. Over $800 worth of boards was stolen from the shop and while there weren't mulitple-double sided dildos left at the location, there was actually ONE DILDO there.  Whatever retard did this is apparently burgling more than just skateshops if you know what I mean.  Yes, turds.  He's burgling turds as well. 

Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo...we always use the indefinite article A dildo, never YOUR dildo. 

So be on the lookout for a double-burgling burglar haggling brand new skateboards. And there is a CASH REWARD if the burglar is brought to justice.  Over and out.